Its my 30th birthday

Google Bday Wish

People say “Welcome to 30’s club”, but I am excited to grow up as I am not growing older, I am just being Classic. My 20s were amazing full of unseen events, unexpected adventures, challenges and new people, new cities. Did things which I never expected out of myself but I dont regret any. Explored more new places.A whole decade of exploring myself.I wish to continue doing so in my 30’s as well.

I have seen people going crazy over being 30, a whole bollywood film was made on ‘Turning 30’.I don’t understand why, its a big deal.Is it because youth is gone, but is being young only by age. I believe its more by heart than by age.But, I don’t mind turning 30, because –

When I look back I see a roller coaster of emotions and events. From been a teen I grew up being an adult.From school I went to college to work. Away from home with new unknown people and creating life time friendship. Lost some old friends.Dated wrong guys which helped me learn exactly what I want in my partner. Meeting all kinds of people made me realize life is all about various relationship with whole lot of people we come across in life in different stages.

My belief on “I am the way I am” accept it or fuck off, I simply dont care – have grown stronger.Life is not about accomplishments its about acceptance.Its about the faith on my own destiny, even if I cant control it.I have grown up making my own decisions and hence I never had to blame anyone for my failure or credit anyone for success.What is today is created by me and I accept it.I have learned how other opinion doesnt matter because its my life with my choices.

So, I am happy to step into the next chapter of my life.Just bring it on.I am sure to make most out of my life.Than when its my 40th birthday when I look back to my 30’s I feel equally happy and satisfied as I am today when I look back to my 20’s.

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Posted by on February 21, 2015 in My Diary



Is Your Marriage Too Close?

There’s a popular belief that once a person gets married, everything will be smooth sailing.

Romance will naturally occur, your spouse will be your best friend, and there will be plenty of “Hallmark” moments between you.

If you’ve been married any length of time you know this simply isn’t true.  

One of the main problems many couples face in marriage is they create a marriage that’s too close. They strive to capture the illusion of what they thought it would be like in the beginning by getting closer to each other.

This creates a fused relationship.

In a fused relationship system, your options for getting your needs met are limited to the people within the system, or to the ways people in the system approve of (read that sentence again).

When couples co-create a co-dependent relationship in which they strive to complete each other, they kill any chance of having any kind of evolving, passionate, fulfilling relationship.

The more couples become fused, the more they resent each other, try to change each other, push each other away, lose interest in each other, lose sexual passion, blame each other, and fantasize about escaping.

I believe that a majority of problems people experience in their marriage are the result of fusion.

In a fused system there is no “I”, only “we”.

There is an expectation that everyone should think alike, behave the same, have the same opinions, and want the same things. It is assumed that each member of the system will be there to meet the needs of every other member.

When this happens, the neediest and/or most anxious members of the system usually dictate how much pressure there is to conform and sacrifice self in a “Borg-like” manner.

Shortly after I begin working with a couple I ask them, “Do you believe that the source of the problems you’re experiencing currently are the result of you both being too far apart (living separate lives or drifting apart) or too close together (fused)?”

Without fail, the couple will reply – too far apart.

I then propose that it’s the opposite. That actually they’re too close together and that is what is creating all the problems.

If the couple will accept this view and begin to explore it more in detail as it plays out their marriage, they will begin to see dramatic improvement in their lives.

Fused systems fear change of any kind.

They also exist in a state of constant anxiety.

These rigid systems don’t like individuality, space, passion, integrity, or members having close friends outside of the system. They are characterized by guilt, covert contracts, emotional eruptions, passive-aggressiveness, isolation, secrets, hidden behaviors, and rebellion.

Also, unrealistic expectations are rampant in fused systems. Like these:

  • Because you are my son, you should always be there to listen to my problems whenever I am sad or lonely.
  • Because you are my boyfriend, you should always answer the phone when I call you.
  • Because you are my girlfriend, you should never talk to other men.
  • Because you are my husband, you should want to be around me as much as I want to be around you.
  • Because you are my wife, you should want to have sex as often as I want to have it with you.
  • Because a clean house is important to me, it should be just as important to you.
  • Because I sacrifice so much for you, you should always appreciate me and never get mad at me.
  • Because I work so hard to provide for our family you shouldn’t count on me to help out around the house.

Members of the system have to “push-back” to have space and hold on to themselves in any significant way. This often leads to acting out and self-destructive behavior (the reason most couples seek out therapy).

For example, one spouse in a fused system might want the other to lose weight. Even if it would be in the best interest for that person to drop a few pounds, they will have to push back (this is called “disengagement”). This is an unconscious attempt to avoid losing self to their partner’s control (they have probably been doing this since childhood), and to prevent their partner from “winning”.

Scoreboarding is actually rampant in marriages.

It’s the idea that since I did something for you and our marriage, you should return the favor to me. It’s the classic exchange based principles.

The simple truth – marriage (and life) is not fair. If you go into a relationship expecting your generosity, gifts, strengths, love, passion, etc. to be reciprocated in kind, you’re going to wind up severely disappointed or angry.

Plus, if you enter into a discussion or issue with the idea that you should win, then what does that make your spouse? A loser. And who wants to be married to a loser?

A mature adult is someone who takes responsibility for getting their needs met.

Let’s build upon this idea. Mature, growing people co-create a number of cooperative systems to help them do this. An intimate relationship is just one of these cooperative systems.

Great marriages are the result of two mature, grown up people – both of whom have full, satisfying lives – cooperating with each other to get their needs met. In this kind of differentiated relationship, each partner compliments the other, but doesn’t complete them.

It is this kind of commitment to living a full life that helps maintain the growth in a relationship that is so important for attraction, passion, energy and great sex.


Source: [Post written by Dr. Corey Allan.]

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Posted by on April 17, 2012 in Man & Woman


A Huge Marriage Killer

Wanna know the biggest marriage killer?

Fusion.  fusion: (noun) The process or result of joining two or more things together to form a single entity.

In a fused system there is no “I”, only “we”.

There is an expectation that everyone should think alike, behave the same, have the same opinions, and want the same things. It’s assumed that each member of the system will be there to meet the needs of the other member. And, in this type of system, the neediest and/or most anxious members of the system will dictate how much pressure there is to conform and sacrifice self in a “Borg-like” manner.

In a fused relationship system, your options for getting your needs met are limited to the people within the system, or to the ways people in the system approve of (read that again).

The more both you and your spouse create a fused system, the more dependent you become on each other and the less time you have to do things outside of the relationship that you find fulfilling.

To break free of fusion you must grown up.

And growing up involves creating and following your own passions, as well as your relationship passions.

When you first met your spouse, ideally you were both living interesting and fulfilling lives. These lives were an important part of what made you attractive to each other. But often, as your relationship progresses with each other, you let go of what used to be important and fulfilling to you for the sake of the relationship.

When this happens it creates two problems.

  1. You are each no longer the person the other was originally attracted to.
  2. As each of you give up important things in your life, you often expect the other person to fill the void. This is a heavy burden to place on any one person. It creates neediness and dependency, as well as resentment and boredom.

One of the biggest killers of passion in marriage is all the meaningless time spouses spend together. And it is actually this type of tensionless coexistence that defines most marriages today.

You need to live an interesting, fulfilling life beyond your intimate relationship.

Marriage should be two mature people who take responsibility for getting their own needs met both with each other and from numerous other sources.

While I firmly believe you should keep all of you sexual energy within the marriage, I also believe you should keep doing all of the interesting things you were doing before you met your spouse (or enjoy doing without your spouse).

Great marriages are the result of two mature, grown up people – both of whom have full, satisfying lives – cooperating with each other to get their needs met. In this kind of differentiated relationship, each spouse compliments the other, but doesn’t complete them.

Mature, growing people co-create a number of cooperative systems to help them do this. An intimate relationship is just one of these cooperative systems.

It is this kind of commitment to living a full life that helps maintain the growth in a relationship that is so important for attraction and attachment.

It’s also the premise of Simple Marriage that you shouldn’t have to give up anything important to you to be in a relationship – your hobbies, recreation, friends, family, alone time, passions, etc.

A mature, cooperative relationship should lighten your load, not add to your burden.

In order to create this kind of differentiated relationship, both people have to live their own life as the relationship evolves.

I’m often greeted with push-back to this idea of living your own life in marriage. Like I’m encouraging each spouse to live separate lives together.

You know what … I am!

It’s the only way a marriage fully alive marriage occurs.

Source [Post written by Dr. Corey Allan.]
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Posted by on April 17, 2012 in Man & Woman


36 Ways To Be Irresistibly Attractive

“The secret of attraction is to love yourself. Attractive people judge neither themselves nor others. They are open to gestures of love. They think about love, and express their love in every action.” ~Deepak Chopra

Here’s the bottom line: we want people to like us. Even when we say we don’t care what people think, we really do.

We desire to be loved, respected, and viewed in a positive light. Our human interactions are vital to our sense of well-being, self-esteem, and happiness. When we discover that someone doesn’t like us or rejects us in some way, our emotions can run the gamut from defensive indignation to deep pain and profound sadness.

For any of us who have attempted to be likable and attractive to everyone, you eventually realize the futility of this exhausting endeavor.

It is impossible to “make” everyone like you, and even if you could, you will ultimately lose yourself in the process. When you morph into a people pleaser or an actor playing roles to accommodate those you want to impress, you often alienate the very people you hope to charm.

The art of being irresistibly attractive to others requires that we do something which can be quite difficult. It requires us to love and respect ourselves first and foremost.

Only when we see ourselves as lovable and embrace our own authentic qualities, needs, ideas, values, and personality traits, do we release the pheromones of attractiveness to others. Although not everyone will be intrigued by your authenticity, those who are attracted to you will generally be emotionally intelligent, mature individuals who value genuine and unaffected relationships.

Self-love, self-confidence, and authenticity are the foundational elements of attractiveness. To strengthen this foundation and foster the transition from “trying to impress” to naturally attracting wonderful people attracting wonderful people into your life, there are some specific changes and shifts you can adopt.

Here are 36 actions you can take to make yourself irresistibly attractive:

1.  Develop your own personal operating system. Carve out and define your own reality, philosophy, values, and interests rather than automatically  accepting those of your family, peers, religion, or culture.

2.  Begin to let go of the need for validation. Don’t be motivated by the opinions or others or the desire for recognition. Be driven by what is important to you and what you value.

3.  Trust your instincts and allow for experimentation. Get to know yourself and discover what you enjoy and find exciting, even if you have to fail a few times.

4.  Accept others as they are. Begin letting go of judgments and criticism of others. Focus on people’s strengths rather than their faults. Learn to deal with difficult people without diminishing yourself.

5.  Really hear people. Go beyond just listening and understanding. Let people know that you really get them.

6.  Take care of unresolved matters in your life. Restore your integrity. Forgive and ask for forgiveness where necessary. Reclaim the energy you have given to these matters.

7.  Embrace a healthy lifestyle. Get some form of exercise daily. Eat healthy foods thatsupport your body, not your emotions. Do this because you respect yourself, not to impress others.

8.  Cause things to happen. Don’t wait for them. Be a creator, an instigator, a collaborator. Share your enthusiasm.

9.  Show people you care. Don’t just talk about it. Show them in ways that are meaningful to them, not you.

10. Require the best of people. See them not only for who they are, but who they can be. Lovingly reflect that vision to them.

11. Ensure your own needs are met. Discern your primary needs, and communicate fully what is important and valuable to you  in your relationships. Don’t compromise these to keep peace or hang on.

12. Speak constructively. Use your words to uplift, inspire, motivate, and encourage. Don’t offer “constructive criticism” or subtle digs.

13. Laugh easily. Have a lightness about you. Take life less seriously and choose to find and create fun and joy.

14. Cease gossip. Choose not to talk about others in ways that are openly or subtlety critical. Don’t share information for the feeling of power or intrigue.

15. Make requests, not complaints. If you need something from someone, ask for it directly. Don’t whine or complain to them or others.

16. Handle situations fully. Kindly but clearly deal with negative issues as soon as possible. Don’t tolerate anything  if it causes resentments.

17. Be done with arguments. Smile and walk away until healthy communication is possible.

18. Offer help only when asked. Don’t assume that others want you to fix them or that you know best for them. Be available and give help only when asked.

19. Care deeply, but remain detached. Let others know you care deeply about them when they have problems, but don’t get caught up in their problems.

20. See with your heart, not your eyes. Look beyond superficiality when seeing someone. Financial status, appearance, notoriety, all mean nothing. Look for the authentic person inside.

21.  Don’t say yes when you mean no. If you mean no, your yes will be harnessed with resentment. Say yes only when your yes is given freely.

22. Let others know you are grateful. Tell them and show them that you feel blessed to have them in your life.

23. Never play the guilt card. Don’t try to manipulate or hurt someone by trying to make them feel bad about their choices, decisions, or actions.

24. Give more than is expected. Don’t over-commit, but freely give more than you promise.

25. Be inter-developmental in your relationships. Don’t be controlling, dependent or co-dependent. Create relationships that are mutually uplifting, reward, and satisfying.

26. Be a big person. Don’t try to take credit, diminish others, or hold back on praise. Offer acknowledgment and power when it is needed and deserved.

27. Be confident enough to be humble. Be able to laugh at yourself, acknowledge your flaws and failures, and accept that they don’t define you.

28. Be open to learning. Don’t flaunt your intelligence or superior knowledge. Recognize that there is always something to learn, even from those who appear “less than.”

29. Be more engaged than engaging. Show your sincere interest in others. Use the word “you” more than “I.” Listen intently and reflect back to others who they are.

30. Give gifts that others want. Not just gifts to impress or that are important to you.

31. Challenge yourself constantly. Don’t settle for mediocre. Don’t languish in past accomplishments. Keep moving forward and exude enthusiasm about possibilities and the actions to make them happen.

32. Detach from adrenaline. Simplify your life enough so you are not rushed, stressed, cluttered, or distracted. Allow yourself time and room to focus.

33. Embrace the incredible power of now. Nothing is more valuable than this moment. Make it the best moment you possibly can right now.

34. Don’t fight the flow. Don’t struggle against people or situations you can’t control. Move effortlessly in a different direction.

35. Keep evolving. Stay on a path of personal development and stay alert for opportunities for shifts and growth.

36. Accept that you won’t be attractive to everyone. As you evolve and become more attractive, fewer people will be attracted to you — but what an incredible group they are!

 Source: Stumble
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Posted by on March 31, 2012 in Man & Woman


What do u need to be a Visual Designer (UI / UX Designer)????

You have to/be :

  • A great human-centered interaction designer – your designs should be always grounded in some insight(s) about people and you have to apply your skills to real-world human problems.
  • You have the “depth and breadth” in many different ways, from mobile application development to web applications (or vice versa). Or aircraft pilot displays. Or interactive exhibits
  • Excited about exploring new interaction models, from the general (multi-touch) to the arcane (interaction for the blind; for the emergency room, etc).
  • Know the ropes when it comes to bread-and-butter UX deliverables, including guidelines, specifications and behavioral prototypes.
  • True lover for – information visualization; think deeply about the temporal qualities of good visual design; and use time-based techniques for establishing context and maintaining user engagement.
  • You may have an identifiable approach, but you have to be able to dramatically modify your visual designs depending on the specific needs of the project.
  • Participate in design conversations beyond project work – by attending conferences, contributing to publications (blogs / online, printed, etc) or designing new interactions for personal enrichment.
  • You have to work best in a participatory, collaborative, team-based work environment. You have to be the inspiration to teams through collaboration as well as direction, vision and planning of visual design deliverables.
  • Strong verbal, written, and visual presentation skills. You understand the value of design and brand within a business context.

You must be fluent in…

  • Rapid iteration and prototyping
  • Time-based visual design (e.g. Flash)
  • Layout / UI design (e.g. using Illustrator, Photoshop, Fireworks, etc)
  • Information Architecture
  • Visual UI Development

Experience with the following skills is desirable (but not required)…

  • Video editing and post production
  • Print-based Communication Design
  • Audio Design
  • Programming and scripting (HTML, ROR, Javascript, Python and/or other languages)




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Posted by on December 14, 2011 in Technology


Visual Designers Are Just As Important As UX Designers

A user experience design is a multidisciplinary activity which includes psychology, user research, information architecture, interaction design, graphic design and a host of other disciplines. Due to the complexity of the field a user experience team will typically be made up of individuals with a range of different specialisms.

On larger teams you’ll find people who focus on one specific area, such as user research or information architecture. You may even find people who specialize in specific activities such as usability testing or wire-framing. This level of specialism isn’t possible in smaller teams, so practitioners tend to group related activities together.

Conceptually I believe you can break design into tangible and abstract activities. Tangible design typically draws on the artistic skills of the designer and results in some kind of visually pleasing artefact. This is what most people imagine when they think of design and it covers graphic design, typography and visual identity.

However there is also a more abstract type of design which concerns itself with structure and function over form. The output from this type of design tends to be more conceptual in nature; wireframes, site-maps and the like. One type of design isn’t any more valuable or important than another, they’re just different.

When products and teams reach a certain size or level of complexity, one person can’t undertake all these roles. When this happens, natural divisions occur. So in small to mid sized teams it’s quite common to describe people who specialize in tangible design as visual designers, while those who focus on more abstract activities are known as user experience designers.

Now we all know that visual design is an undeniable part of the way people experience a product or service, so it may feel a little odd that user experience designers don’t actually design the entire experience. It may also be confusing that when user experience designers talk about “the UX” of a product, they are often referring to the more abstract essence of the product as described through wireframes, site maps and the like.

This ambiguity can lead many visual designers to misunderstand what user experience design is, especially if they’ve never worked alongside a dedicated user experience designer. This has also led a lot of visual designers to mistakenly believe that because the work they create results in some kind of user experience, that makes them a user experience designer. While this may be true in the purely philosophical sense, this isn’t what people mean when they talk about user experience designers (try applying for a senior UX position without understanding user research, IA and Interaction design and see how far you get).

The term user experience architect was coined in 1990 but the roots reach back to the 1940s and the fields of human factors and ergonomics. We’ve had dedicated user experience consultancies for the last 10 years, and internal divisions before that. We’ve got numerous professional conferences attended by people who have been working in UX for much of their professional life. In short, User experience design is a distinct and well understood discipline that stretches back many years and isn’t simply a new buzzword to describe “the right way to design”.

Over the last 12 months I’ve come across far too many visual designers describing themselves as user experience designers because they don’t fully understand the term. Instead they’ve seen a few articles that explain how UX is the new black and decided to rebrand themselves.

I’ve also come across many fantastic visual designers who feel pressured into becoming user experience designers because they think this is the only way to progress their careers. It seems that due to a lack of supply, user experience design has somehow come to represent a higher order of design, or design done right. At best this is nonsense and at worst this is actually damaging to peoples careers.

So here’s the truth. Good visual designers are just as hard to find as good user experience designers. They have exactly the same status in the industry and earn pretty much the same rates. So you don’t need to became a user experience designer in order to take your career to the next level. Instead, surround yourself with experts, hone your skills and take pride in your work. With so few good designers out there, don’t go throwing away much prized and hard earned skills under the mistaken belief that you must become a UX designer in order to grow, as that’s just not the case.




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Posted by on December 14, 2011 in Technology


thoda sa pyaar….

Kabhi mein jeena chahu…….Kabhi mein bhulu jeena…….Kabhi mein mangu aise……..Dua hai sau bar
Ho thodasa pyaar

Kabhi mein chaahu ye ho…..Kabhi mein chaahu wo ho…….Kabhi mein bhi kisi ka karo intezar
Ho thoda sa pyaar

Thoda sa badle……Thoda sa behele…….Thoda sa machle…….Yeh dil khwab ki baat

Meri bhi hai tamanna……Kisi ko toh hai bhanna……Kisi se jhootha rutu……Karun mein thakrar
Ho thoda sa pyaar

Milta hi nahi…..Dhoonda hai lakh woh……O chehra zamane mein…..Jiska roz hi aata hai naam saa..
Dil ke fasane mein….


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Posted by on October 27, 2011 in My Diary